arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
