If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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