he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
