im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
