White coat. Heels.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
