idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's the barista slut.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize