There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
