someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
