I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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