How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
