The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
