Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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