I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
