worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
