She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
