I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize