I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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