i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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