Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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