can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
