Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
