Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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