Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize