Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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