He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
