Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
