he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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