I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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