Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
