is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
