where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize