you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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