Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize