I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
