I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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