hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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