and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
