Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
