so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
