he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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