Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
