i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
