New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
