can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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