dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
