Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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