so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
