i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
