I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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