Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
