i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
