I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
