you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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