shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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