I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
