Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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