Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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