He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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