ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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