Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
