addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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