Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
