The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
