I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
