Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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