i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
