Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
