If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
