im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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