I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
