So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
