fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
