don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
