I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
