new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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