MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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