I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just pynch a tree in the face
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
