I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize