Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
