i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize