I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
