update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
