apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
