is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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