we're blogging at a bar
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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