We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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