the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
