I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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