There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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