So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize