It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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