: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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