is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I supernannyed him into submission
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
