Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
