Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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