Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
