U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Pants are for mortals
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
