did you get engaged???
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
